Changing My Ways.

So, in case you haven't heard - I have a challenging child.  Not just a little challenging, but big-time-behavior-plan-push-your-buttons-on-purpose kind of challenging.  I love him... a lot.  But I definitely find myself at a loss in dealing with his behaviors sometimes.  The arrival of Charlie has brought on some new interesting behaviors, such as throw-himself-on-the-floor fits, hitting himself in anger, and saying pretty hurtful things.  I'm not surprised that things are especially difficult right now, but it certainly makes things worse when I'm so very tired from being up 2-3 times each night and have very little extra patience.

Thankfully, I stumbled upon a really fantastic blog the other day.  On Real Child Development, the author, Leslie has really given me some insight into dealing with my spirited child.  I've found that I'm so concerned with stopping the behavior, that I don't always bother to address the feelings behind it.  I'm too focused on making sure he is obedient, which of course is also important, but there is SO much more to his behavior issues than just choosing to be disobedient.  He makes those choices because he is usually truly upset about something.  I have been using some of Leslie's ideas, have challenged myself to NOT raise my voice and give orders... but to keep calm (the hardest thing of all) and talk to Carter.  This doesn't mean he doesn't have to listen to me.  It just means that I will finally listen to him, too.

So far, so good.  It hasn't been a miraculous turn-around, but there have been some huge improvements.  Acknowledging his feelings calmly, but still being firm with my boundaries and consequences isn't always easy - but I can tell that he is slowly coming around.  He's a challenging one, all right.  Good thing I'm up for the challenge!